Groundhogs! Argh!!!

One of the things that I looked forward to with having my very own house was that I would have space for a garden. A garden that I would not have to worry about other people grocery shopping in. So, one of the first things I did after moving in was--you guessed it-- planted a garden of vegetables.

I have...
Big boy tomatoes

Yellow pear tomaotes

Sweet lady tomatoes

Purple Cherokee Tomatoes

Chocolate tomatoes

Orange Tomatoes

Purple Hill Peas

Peurple peaock beans

Lima Beans

Brocollini

Yellow squash

Gooseneck squash

Caspar pumpkins

Yellow watermellons

Sweet giant Watermellons

Goliath pumpkins

Sleeping Beauty eggplants

Purple Peppers

Orange Peppers

Two banana trees

Two Cherry bushes

Sweet Crisp Apple tree

Another variety of apple tree and

Lavender

I began this garden back in May. I used plant specific soil and fertilizer and religiously watered daily as wells as fertilized. I purchased marigolds for the perimeter because it deters pests and placed moth balls to keep out the rest. I sprayed with a solution of water and fish oil and watched them thrive in appreciation.

Now, knowing all this guess how many bushels of fruits and vegetables I've gotten out of this wonderfully stocked, meticulously cared for garden?

Two tomatoes and four squash! Why so few you ask?  Well, I only have one thing to blame.....

The Ground hog!

Yes, you evil prize-winning-eggplant-eating little fluffer! You and I are at WAR! I've seen you skulking around the fruits of my labor pillaging, destroying and molesting the the juicy goodness I've worked to hard to rear. Stealing the life from them just as they are coming into the prime of their lives!  Devouring my dreams and aspirations of becoming a gourmet who lovingly cultivates the ingredients in a magical garden out back. I know they are tempting and quite possibly may seem to be flaunting their delicious ripeness at you, but have some willpower for heavens sake! You know their not yours. Its not like you planted your own near by and accidentally mistaken mine for yours! But.... I can see your point. Why make them so appetizing if I don't want you to eat them...?

So, today I've got a fun surprise for you. I seasoned every inch of fruit, vegetable, leaf and soil with liberal amounts of Epsom salts and coffee grounds. Now lets see how deliciously sweet a nice large bite of burnt caffeine and salt flavored fruit is. I bet that'll learn ya! If not then perhaps some caddy-shack-dynamite will!